*Ok, so...

"This was a lovely event, but the loveliness isn't actually my focus here! Complete and totally blunt assholery is."

2011-11-10T09:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

What is wrong with people!! A few weeks ago, I was on the Light The Night Walk in support of the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and their attempts to find a cure for blood cancer. It was a very moving event. Over 800 walkers filled the streets of Halifax in a peaceful homage to those who are fighting the aggressive battle with cancer, and sadly, to those who have lost it as well. Each walker carries a lit balloon and there are all different colours. One for supporting the cause, another to show that you are a survivor, and another if you are walking in memory of someone who has passed. The walk even passed by the IWK where children who were fighting blood cancers sat at the window with glow sticks to thank all that got involved.

This was a lovely event, but the loveliness isn't actually my focus here! Complete and totally blunt assholery is. As we were walking, there was a gentleman (pushing a STROLLER no less) who decided that it would be tasteful to yell "GO HOME" TWICE, before veering off into the HALIFAX INFIRMARY!!! Are you serious! Someone you know is sick, and you thought it would be funny (or insulting, or clever...I don't know) to yell at people who are trying to help others who are suffering the same fate - frequent hospital visits and overnight stays!? Sir, I find it hard to believe that anyone was inclined to have children with you, thinking that you may be a good father and perhaps a fabulous influence. I'm more inclined to think that is was an accident and how she's stuck with you, but what do I know...maybe she's an awful human being too. Either way, I hope your child grows up to be a better person than you! Ugh!

Anyway, sorry for my absence and all that blither. I'm a failure at staying on top of this...but I'm going to try.

Hoping you are better than that guy,

- Jenn

"Our grandfather was an incredibly strong father figure, one that we so badly needed, and now our step-dad is too."

2011-10-24T10:00:00.000-03:00

Ok, so...

I suck. I seriously, seriously, suck. I said I was going to write more frequently, and look what happened! It's been a whole month! God, that makes me angry! I always say I'm going to get back to writing here and I never make it happen because I'm too freakin' busy to do anything that I really want to do. So I apologize. Seriously. I'm being quite a disappointment.

Anyway, a lot of interesting things have been happening lately, but this is the most important: I've met both of my half brothers. My sister and I are fully biologically related - we have the same parents and we grew up in the same house, pulling each other's hair and fighting about all those things that sisters do. "Stop taking my clothes!" "Stop wearing my make-up!"...and all that good stuff. Our brothers, while born of the same father as us, both have different mothers us. Both of them. Meaning that my Dad knocked up three different ladies ( I know what you are thinking, and I am thinking the same thing...my Dad is a slut). One is older than both of us, and one is within months of my sister...and we did not know either of them growing up, and our Dad had nothing to do with them.

My sister and I have been very blessed throughout our lives - we may not always express it, but we absolutely know that we are. I've never really been without anything. If I wanted to take lessons for something, I could. If I wanted a guitar for Christmas, I got it. And if I needed money for school, or anything really...I got that too. I'm spoiled rotten, and I know it. This is not to say that I don't work hard. I do. I work a full-time job at the same time doing my second full-time degree, and I am regularly picked up for singing engagements these days in the very limited time that I DO have off. In fact, when this Saturday arrives, a day off for me, it will have been 28 days since I last had a day off. Almost a 1 month. But I am lucky, and I know it.

Both of our brothers have had extreme difficulties in their lives. I won't talk about them here because I don't feel that it is my place to publicize their struggles, but I can tell you that they were awful and it's very hard for both my sister and I to accept. Some of those struggles were directly related to the absence of our father, and some were not, but I can tell you that the lack of support, both financially and emotionally, from him certainly didn't help. Though my Mom was often a single parent throughout our childhood (my Dad filtered in and out, bringing hurricane-strength drama with him every time he did), she worked very hard and she, we really, had the undying support of our grandparents...and they are the people that we literally wouldn't have survived without. Our grandfather was an incredibly strong father figure, one that we so badly needed, and now our step-dad is too.

I'm so glad that our brothers have come into our lives, and that we may be able to now offer them some support that they just wasn't there for them before. But I'm also glad because it has allowed me to take a step back and realize just what I've had.

So, I ask you to do the same. If you've had a good life, and your family has her been there for you, supported you, and pushed you to be the very best that you can be...tell them you love them and appreciate everything that they've given you...because there are a lot of people who can't do that.

Reminding us all to share the love,

- Jenn

"It's not like he was a pig and CHOSE to be an asshat? There were just times that it occurred, and I began to wonder if the investment was worth it."

2011-09-22T09:26:00.004-03:00

Ok, so...

Holy, holy, holy....I've been really lazy. I planned to take a small hiatus from blogging last year in order to get my life sorted out a bit after school ended last year...and evidently, it turned out to be a lot, looooooot longer than I had planned. BUTTTT, I'm back, and I plan to rededicate myself writing and being here for my readers (if I still have any left)...Sheesh.

So, a ton has happened over the last few months. My romantic life is in fabulous shape, and while that is marvellous for me...it is not necessarily going to be a such a perk for this blog. I don't really like the idea of writing about my personal life when it includes selling out the person that I live with (we moved in together at the beginning of the month), but it's pretty probable that little parts of our relationship will ooze out and emanate all over this blog. I feel sorry for him really. Some of our friends are inevitably going to come to judge him based on the things I share here. The poor bastard.

However, throughout all of this, there is something I have learned...something so important that it is going to become salient piece of advice #10: Your heart knows you better than anyone or anything else. Sometimes is pays off to just shut the hell up and listen to it, okay? When I first met my boyfriend, he was sweet, kind, and handsome but about as awkward as they come and as inexperienced as you can get...seriously. He meant well, but he did a few things that were so insensitive and disrespectful in the beginning of our relationship that several of my friends questioned why I wanted to stay with him? One friend said "You don't want to be stuck being his teacher, or even worse, a mother figure to him." What she meant was that we could very easily fall into a the trap of me always trying to show him to handle a relationship. He so desperately wanted to do well, to be the best boyfriend possible, but he had spent so much time being a bachelor and thinking only about himself that he really didn't know how else to act. And if I were to be honest, which I always am when I write here...there were a few times that I really wasn't sure that we would make it...I honestly wondered if he had been dropped on his head as a child! Why else would you be so devoid of the general decency that people have towards one another in relationships. It's not like he was a pig and CHOSE to be an asshat? There were just times that it occurred, and I began to wonder if the investment was worth it.

BUT.

But.

Something always kept me there.

Something kept me believing in him, even when he did something that didn't deserve me giving him a second thought, because deep down, my heart knew something bigger was there. And boy? Was there ever. He is still sweet, kind, and handsome (and as my feelings have grown, even more handsome - meeeooowww) but now, he is considerate, attentive, and goes out of his way to be there for me as much as possible. I'm not even remotely sorry about sticking it out.

Some people will look at this and their immediate response will be "all you did was condition him, like your little lap dog, to do whatever you wanted." That is not what happened. The development of strong and healthy relationship came out of that little elementary school saying, treat others as you would like to be treated, which is salient piece of advice #11...We frequently forget how much treating someone well can do for them. In this case, I was as good to him as I could possibly be (with the exception of the moments when he pissed me off beyond momentary repair) and he began to work on returning it...and he does. Every single day. That's not conditioning - that's being a decent human being.

Think about it!

Happy to be back,

- Jenn

2011-05-06T15:21:00.000-03:00

Ok, so...

It really is amazing how much your life can change in one year! I know that my last entry focussed on this idea in the way that I thought I would be further a long in how my life as a whole had progressed, but it's also incredible to look at how much has just changed in this one year. Right from April of last year to now. In that one year, I ended one meaningful relationship, and started another (not to say that there weren't all kinds of little blips on the radar in between...there were...whoops...), decided that one of my jobs was no longer for me, saw some friendships grow and some deplete, and most of all, became cemented in the idea that the career path I've been going down for the last 6 years might actually be the right one (phew) and as I became more confident in it, I watched my GPA skyrocket as a result. While in someways, I don't really feel that I have gotten as far as I had planned, in other ways I feel extremely blessed for all that has happened this year and everything that has moved forward.

This may seem like a strange time of the year to be doing a review of sorts, but for me, this really is the end of the year. I'm literally sitting in them music office at Pine Ridge for the last time...which means a 4 month vacation...well, not really. It means work, but at least it's a change. Right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway. That I will enjoy TH, and not spend the time missing my kids terribly...which is actually what will happen. Sigh.

From PRMS,

- Jenn

"But other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away..."

2011-04-20T23:33:00.000-03:00

Ok, so...

I completely apologize for my lack of writing as of late. I know that I have been really slack with my dedication to this blog, but it is my true and humble intention to get back to writing...I'll try and stick it it!

I started drafting this entry at the beginning of April and then I got side-tracked and forgot about it, but I've decided that it still has relevance so I'm going to finish it now and post it anyway:

As I sit here in in a lazy Sunday, in my bedroom at my parent's house after having had a lovely, relaxing weekend, I've started to think about how my birthday is this week. Wednesday to be precise. I'll be 24, and 24 is an age that scares me. It's almost like I should be further along than I am. I'm still in university (not something I pictured myself still doing by this age), my best friend is getting married in September (something that I don't think I ever truly thought was going to happen because I never believed that I would actually grow up), and people all around me are having children...on purpose! I admit that I have no idea as to whether or not I want kids to be part of my plan. I sway back and forth a lot. Sometimes I hear a kid cry and I'm like "instant birth control," but other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away...but that is very seldom, therefore reassuring me that I still have very little desire for children at this stage in my life....but should I? Should I be starting to feel that tug, the "biological clock" and all that? It's not that I'm so old! I'm not, but my age has definitely become a focus as it is the brunt of jokes for many of the people I attend school with - many of whom are significantly younger than me! I date someone who is 2 years younger than me (very happily I might add), but I often wonder if I will reach the next stage before he is ready to get there with me, and whether or not that will be a problem? Really, I just worry too much in general, but knowing it doesn't stop you from doing it...no matter how much you try.

I'll be interested to see what I have to say about this topic next year? Will I still be in the same place? Will I still be unsure about what's supposed to come next? Will I still be planning to remain in Canada when I graduate that one month later? I'm curious to know so I hope I'm still blogging and that I remember to come back to this entry before I write my new one...I think it could be pretty good.

Contemplatively considering,

- Jenn

It's much easier to be strong when it's someone else's feelings...but when it's your own? Not so much."

2011-03-30T20:59:00.000-03:00

Ok, so...

How does the importance of someone telling you how they feel stack up against someone showing you how they feel? And well, you may be thinking to yourself, what exactly is the difference? A couple of entries back, I wrote about the 5 love languages, and the one (or so I thought) that was most important to me was physical touch, but then I found out that quality time also mattered a great deal to me. I value someone, especially the person I'm dating, being affectionate with me through hugging, kissing, sex etc., but also spending one on one time with me. These two areas, quality time and physical touch, would most definitely constitute as two things in the "showing" category. This isn't to disregard the importance of being told - that tends to substitute well for me in a situation where I can't be shown (like long distance) because I'm still being reassured...but when I'm in the presence of someone, showing is where it's at.

I realize that there may not be many people like me. Maybe there are, but I don't think they're admitting it because deep down, where no one really sees, I'm a real softy and it comes out full force when my feelings get involved. It's much easier to be strong when it's someone else's feelings...but when it's your own? Not so much.

Show someone you love them today. You'll be surprised what as to what a difference it makes.

For the sake of the ramble,

- Jenn

"Great compatibility makes a relationship worth all of the work that is required to keep it going, so it's importance to know if that's what you have and if it's really worth all that work."

2011-03-21T14:49:00.008-03:00

Ok, so...

When my personal life is in good shape, and for a change it actually is, it can sometimes be a challenge for me to come up with anything good to write about...mostly because I usually spend my entries bitching about something...But finally, something came to me:

What is the difference between love and lust and how do you know which one you are feeling?

The definition of "lust" (according to dictionary.com):

Lust - Intense sexual desire or appetite; Uncontrolled of illicit sexual desire or appetite; A passionate or overmastering desire or craving.

The definition of love (from the one and the same source):

Love - A profoundly tender, passionate affection for each other; A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection; Sexual passion or desire.

Based on just these definitions alone, what I can sum up from them is this: Lust is when you want to jump their bones 24/7, and love is when you want to jump their bones but cuddle before and after. Ok, no. Obviously I think there is more to it then that. It's differentiating between high sexual attraction existing alone or as the sole priority, and a relationship where high sexual attraction is coupled with a "deep sense of compatibility" (eHarmony commercials anyone?). To really be in love with someone, it has to be about more than just what happens between the sheets. This is not me discounting the importance of sex, and you know this, but love encompasses a whole lot more than just that! Great compatibility makes a relationship worth all of the work that is required to keep it going, so it's importance to know if that's what you have and if it's really worth all that work.

So, if sexual chemistry is the first component of deep compatibility, what is the second? It's finding a "best friend". Someone who wants the same things that you do. Maybe you both want to travel, or live in a particular place, or get married...or whatever? But, you both want the same things. That's so important, because when the lusty "in your pants, constantly" feeling wears off, there needs to be something deeper holding you together.

Therefore, I'm coming at you with another quiz. This compatibilty quiz does not give a definitive answer as to whether or not you and your partner are going to make it in the long term, but it does ask some pretty essential questions if you ask me. I wouldn't call it entirely scientific or anything, but it definitely gets you thinking about some of the components of your relationship. I scored a 94% and I'm really happy about that! I try to learn as much as possible about the other person in my relationship, so I'm glad to see that I felt so positively about so many of the categories.

Post a comment with your average, and maybe how you feel about it if you feel so inclined - anonymous is more than fine :)!

Inquisitively quizzing you all,

- Jenn

"If you've been together for 1 1/2 years, then they have probably been thinking about breaking up with you for about 6 months or so before that."

2011-03-11T13:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

Think about your last break-up? I know you remember it. Was it absolutely miserable? Did you do the dumping? Did you get dumped? Was it your heart that got broken, or the other persons? Regardless of how your last break-up went, what I'm about to bring up right now applies. When you guys broke up, how long were you (or they) thinking about doing it before it actually got done? Think about this honestly. It is incredibly rare that anyone would just decide out of nowhere that they are going to break-up with someone else. It's usually an extended and laborious process of weighing the pros and cons of the relationship...even though the cons obviously already outweigh the pros, otherwise you wouldn't be weighing things in the first place...but I digress. My point is that when a couple breaks up, most of the time someone gets hurt and therefore sits there begging the other person not to go through with it, or to change their mind and take them back. But why do we beg? Why bother trying to convince them that they should stay with you? They've already made that decision. If you've been together for 1 1/2 years, then they have probably been thinking about breaking up with you for about 6 months or so before that. It's not like it was a decision that was made in haste. Even if they aren't going to miss you, they are probably going to still miss the comfort of the relationship (otherwise, there really is no reason left to be there), and that is what keeps them holding on. So really, you should have been on a reconnaissance mission long before the actual break-up came along in order to have any chance of saving it, but of course, when the problems started, it wasn't like you were aware that anything was really wrong...that's something you don't figure out until after the fact - "Okay, yeah. Maybe things weren't the same anymore. Maybe we weren't really having sex much. Maybe he wasn't really very affectionate with me anymore."...You always figure it out later. That's the way she blows.

The funny thing is, it doesn't even matter that I've called us all out on this. We will all continue to do it, because when your heart gets broken, you would do anything to unbreak it...It literally is one of the worst feelings in the world. Right now, I am extremely happy in my relationship, but you will be the first to know if I slip into "take me back" land.

Sounding a little pessimistic?

- Jenn

2011-03-08T12:20:00.001-04:00

Ok, so...

I just thought that this video was worth checking out! A couple friends of mine used it in a presentation during one of our classes and I think it is pretty thought provoking to say the least.

"When a relationship is going well, and I feel connected to someone, I'm most definitely a person who shows my comfort and admiration for my significant other through physical actions"

2011-03-06T14:58:00.004-04:00

Ok, so...

First, my apologies for taking so long to write. I have been back from my trip for a few days now, but I had some things to deal with in my personal, unwritten about, life. Now that things are sorted out...I'm back!

Have you ever heard of love languages? And yes, I know what you are going to say. "Really, Jenn? Really? You are writing about THIS?" I would have to agree in saying that this isn't really my usual kind of natter...The whole idea is a little bit fruitier than I like to be, but at the same time, I think it has some real validity.

The 5 love languages ( as stated on the love languages website - no infringement intended) are:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

For fun, even though I was pretty sure that I already knew what my main love language was anyway, I took the quiz on the website to see what it was. The results actually ended up surprising me somewhat - I am evenly split between two categories - one that I expected and one that did not. The first, Physical Touch, was no surprise to me. While it may not show in my day to day general relationships with family and friends, I'm actually extremely affectionate with a boyfriend. When a relationship is going well, and I feel connected to someone, I'm most definitely a person who shows my comfort and admiration for my significant other through physical actions. I'm a cuddler - I admit it, and I'm sure that anyone who bothers to read my blog, even once in awhile, knows that I consider sex to be an extremely important factor in a relationship. It's also, by far, the hardest of these 5 to fake. It's easy enough to fall into a routine of buying gifts for birthdays, date nights, spring cleaning, and saying I love you because it's what you do every day...but sex, cuddling, and any reason to touch someone? All of those physical actions fall away when you don't feel the same way about a person anymore! It's the first sign that something is wrong! Sex is extremely important to the health and the well being of a relationship, and frankly, these things are the first thing to go when the connection between two people has lost it's spark. It can be caused by the loss of physical attraction, or an increase in arguments, comfort? Regardless, there is no denying the sex is one of the first things to go in a romance when things are on the rocks. So, because affectionate behaviour is frequently the first thing to go, it is something that is imperative to the success of a relationship for me.

Now, my second love language - the one that was tied with Physical Touch - is Quality Time. I admit that I was somewhat surprised to see that come up. I'm not denying the importance of spending time together in any way, but I didn't realize that it was as important to me as Physical Touch...at first. Honestly, after reading the results, and then thinking about the relationship that I'm in right now? It makes complete and total sense. We are struggling with finding enough time to be together because of the distance between us, and I admit that it is something that really bums me out. Everything is going really well, but there is no denying that enough Quality Time with someone is crucial to the growth of a relationship. This has brought on the incorporation of Skype into our relationship to help with the distance...so I guess Quality Time really is important to me after all?

So folks? What is your love language? Take the quiz and post your results! Let me know why you think those things are most important to you, and feel free to post anonymously if this all feels too personal for you! I would love to see what all of your love languages are!!

In the mood for love,

- Jenn

EDIT: Listen you bums, I know how many people have read this! I check my stats! Post a comment!! You don't even have to do the quiz? Just rank them in order from 1 to 5. Sheesh!

2011-02-19T14:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

Just a note that I will be away for the next week down south with my family.
I promise a good entry when I get back.

- Jenn

"It's like, 'hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again."

2011-02-18T00:54:00.001-04:00

Ok, so...

In the joys of embarking on a new relationship, you always make new discoveries. You know, all about them, all about you, and all about how you interact together. Every new relationship introduces you to something original and fresh which, at least in the early stages, is something that can hopefully be considered a "good" original and fresh. Lately, I've been introduced (if not reintroduced) to an idea that is indeed something awesome...and that something awesome is this: Kissing is significantly underrated. Once sex becomes involved in a relationship - and the point at which this occurs (earlier or later) really doesn't matter because the result is the same - the concept of really making out really goes out the window. All of a sudden, it's like a race to the button! You both just can't get there fast enough! Women need foreplay in order to enjoy sex just as much as their partner, yet all of that gets totally disregarded once a couple starts having sex regularly. It's like, "hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again. If we aren't careful, sex can become a monotonous, stagnant practice with little to no excitement (depressing isn't it?), and isn't that the last thing we want to have happen? A 15 minute routine that you can literally describe every second of before it happens?

I am fortunate enough to not be in this situation right now - I quite seriously have very little to complain about, but it's when you are in a situation like this (a good one) that you realize how much you might of had to complain about before! I didn't realize how much of a the pre-show I was missing, until it got brought back! Making out is awesome! It felt good when we were 15, and it still feels damn good now, and we'd see that if we actually spent any time doing it! It's time to bring the make-out back people. It's been in the grave for far too long!!

Blowing off some steam,

- Jenn

"I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? "

2011-02-09T14:40:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

I feel that this entry may provoke controversy, as one of my posts in the past did when a male reader took a gander. I have no idea how many of my readers out there are guys, and I have no idea who it was that left the comment. It may have been someone I know, a regular anonymous reader, or just some arbitrary guy who happened to stumble upon my work. Either way, he was a little perturbed with what I had to say, so I offer this in fair warning: If what I've written offends anyone, that wasn't my direct intention. This is just what I think. As I say, I'm a good rambler and it's a good reason for a blog.

Therefore...bring it on.

"Guys are the new girls." A lovely, and what I would call rather fascinating, friend of mine said this to me not too long ago. She actually requested that I write about it then, and I said that I would...but then I put it off. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how to attack it...I mean, that's a pretty lofty claim to make isn't it? "Guys are the new girls?" What does that even mean? What exactly is it that we portray where men could somehow have just learned to morph into it (and keyword being JUST because I am classifying it as something rather "new")?

Okay, yes. That 's just me getting all philosophical - pointing out that there isn't simply just one view on this. However, that doesn't mean I don't know what my friend was specifically getting at. I do, and what she was getting at was this: Men are wusses. They have turned into the soft-hearted, whimpering, idealists - something that used to be synonymous with being a women. Now, don't go off and get your panties all in a bunch. I'm clearly not insinuating that all men are like this! I'm not even suggesting that half are like this, but I am implying that there are more men like this than ever before. I'm also not saying that all women cry themselves to sleep in a mountain of Puffs+Lotion, sobbing their hurt feelings away when twilight sets in. Essentially, I'm just addressing a stereotype that has been put into place by our society! Folks, don't shoot the messenger!

Now, more than ever before, it has become common place to see a man: 1) Throw a fit when something doesn't go his way. 2) Cry when he gets dumped. 3) Seek revenge on the person that hurt him. 4) Talk shit about that person behind their back to all his friends (and yours!)...annnnddd the list could go on, but I think you see my point. All of these behaviours are those that have always been so closely associated with an emotionally desecrated women. I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? However, lately it seems that hell has crossed the divide and taken up residence with men! You may think that I'm talking out of my ass here, but I can actually think of countless examples of this as I sit here, right now, in this very moment! I don't even have to take a ONE minute out to come up with any! That's how many I have! If I used people's names (which you know I don't), I could give an actual innumerable amount of instances where this has occurred! I do not lie. Seriously.

Which only leaves one question? Why is this happening? Gentleman, your input would be highly appreciated, because if I recall a few years back in just my own life alone, the one that got away (and dude, if you happen to read this, you should comment) put me through unmitigated, consummate hell for feeling any of those things? Now, I fully admit that I was not easy to get along with, like fully know that I was an absolute asshole in moments, but I think I got worse the more he put me through. Women are always punished for showing heartbreak, and yet, men have now decided that they want to wallow away in a pint of Haagen Dazs too? It doesn't make any sense!

I write about this based on experiences from my own life, and the many I have witnessed go down in the lives of people close to me...so yes, I do think I have a leg to stand on! It just seems that the further into the 21st century we go, the more likely it is that we are going to see more people living out their lives with the "heart on my sleeve" mentality, men and women a like...and what I'm really starting to wonder is, can we handle it?

Inspired by the inspired,

- Jenn

"The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter 'Relationship Poison.' "

2011-02-07T13:49:00.003-04:00

Ok, so...

First of all, my absolute apologies for taking over a week to post a new entry. That's absolutely abysmal of me, and I am truly sorry for that. I've actually been working on this particular entry all week! I just couldn't find time to finish it! However, I've got the time now (well not really, but the guilt is eroding at my conscience), so here it is:

Have you ever thought about how your friendships affect your relationships, and vice-versa? Sometimes, your friends are great - they are the absolute greatest support system you can possibly have! They love your significant other and they welcome he or she into almost every possible social situation they can, and you love them for that because, of course, you care very much about what they think. I'm very thankful for how supportive my friends have been. The one's in both my lives...school, and home...who do everything they can to be the most accommodating in every situation. I'm also extremely thankful that the person they are working so hard to show love for, is showing it back...because that has not always been the case for me. In fact, it was not all that long ago when I last had a nightmarish struggle with that.

I spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with a person who refused to give anyone in one half of my life a chance. The people at home? The best people in the world. The people at school? It was a virtual ^&*% you. Clearly, him doing nothing to get to know them did nothing for me because I spent 8 months of the year with those people...people who I loved, and continue to love very much. He said he had nothing in common with them, he couldn't connect because he had never been a university student (something that I never understood to be honest...I mean, I'm a university student?) and that became an increasingly hard burden for me to carry on my shoulders. It began to affect our relationship, and ultimately how I felt about him. My feelings for him deteriorated, and while he did eventually change, and we gave it another shot...I could never forget how big of a corner he backed me into, and my fear of that reoccurring never let me open back up to him. That relationship failed and I'll never be able to go back to it or anything like it ever again. And really, when I think about it, it seems so silly to be thankful for someone who loves your friends and works to build relationships with them because that should just be part of the deal...but for me, it wasn't, and I am now so appreciative of someone for whom this is just second nature.

Now, all of that being said...there are people that fit on the other end of the spectrum. Those people that do absolutely nothing to help the situation. The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter "Relationship Poison." This is that friend that influences everything about your relationship in a way that is not even remotely helpful. Their comments make you doubt yourself. They nit-pick at any little concern you may have about your significant other. They point out anything that THEY feel is a weak point for you both as a couple. Everything they say is completely out of hand in every way possible, and completely inappropriate to boot. If you are lucky enough to have not experienced this, than kudos to you...because I have, and unfortunately enough, it tends to be something that you don't really catch on to until it's already had some kind of detrimental effect on your relationship, sometimes even beyond the point of repair.

But obviously, we all need friends to survive. There is no way around that - socialization is key to a happy, healthy life...which just opens up a whole new can of worms...What is more important? Friends, or your boyfriend (or girlfriend - you know the drill). I'll leave that open for debate!

Sincerely sorry for taking over a week off,

- Jenn

" It's all about finding that proportionate balance where both parties are comfortable in the arrangement and are getting something that suffices both of their needs without being too much, or not enough. "

2011-01-28T14:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

"Ladies and the bat-shit crazies."

I've coined this term in an effort to label something that I like to think that all of us fine female fatales succumb to at one point or another in our attempts to get something "new" off the ground. You know, when you whine about all your little insecurities to your girlfriends instead of the guy you're seeing? That way he doesn't know how bat shit crazy you are...only they do (if you don't do this, you need too. It's your saving grace). I honestly can't think of one friend of mine who hasn't been a "lady with the bat-shit crazies" at one point or another. That is not to say that some of them do not handle it much more eloquently than others. They do, and most of them will continue to do so much more successfully than I. When a relationship is new, and you don't know everything there is to know about the other person or how they operate when they are exclusive with someone, it is hard not to take an extreme approach to something when it isn't going exactly how you thought it would.

Actually, this is an area where most men and women differ significantly. Most women come into a new relationship with the expectation of communicating often, maybe even a little too much, while their wonderful, new significant other falls short in this category (at least in comparison to expectations). It's all about finding that proportionate balance where both parties are comfortable in the arrangement and are getting something that suffices both of their needs without being too much, or not enough. Communication is the common denominator in almost any challenge in any relationship. Most problems, no matter how insignificant, stem from this. In fact, I would challenge you to come up with a problem that you have ever had in any of your relationships that was not, some how, linked to poor communication. I guarantee you that it will be pretty hard to do.

Either way, this is salient piece of advice #9: Communication is key. Friendships and relationships alike will blow up in your face if you don't take time out to say how you're feeling, or even more importantly, ask how the other person is feeling.

Because it needed to be said,

- Jenn

"People are too quick to jump back into their skivvies after a role in the hay."

2011-01-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

A few evenings ago, while updating a friend on what has been going on most recently in my life, we of course (do I talk about anything else?) got onto the topic of relationships. While we were discussing labels for our current romantic status' and the many other things that we somehow seem to consistently deem as points of interest, I heard myself utter something where I specifically thought "I have to come back to that in my blog."

This statement was:

"I think it is important to spend a good deal of time naked. It's good for a relationship."

Friggin' rights I do. Now, get your heads up and out of the gutter! I know what you're thinking - "Uh, yeah! Who doesn't like sex?" - and yes folks, it's pretty damn awesome! That is definitely THE relationship perk that forms the main reason for why people get naked together, but there is so much more to it than that. It helps strengthen the intimate and emotional bond that you share with your significant other - it reinforces the comfort and trust you have in the other person. People are too quick to jump back into their skivvies after a role in the hay. Laze for awhile, talk about...well, politics? The weather? God forbid, maybe even your relationship. There is something far less threatening about discussing the down and dirty details of your affinity for each other when you're stark naked, stuffed in between fluffy pillows and a billowy duvet as opposed to sitting across from each other at the kitchen table with your shirt buttoned up to your neck (you rebel, you). It's easier to be honest in a setting that you link to fun and good times (wink, wink). At least, I friggin' hope that is what you link it too, or else, maybe whether or not you spend ENOUGH time naked is the least of your problems.

I suggest the addition of "Naked Sundays" to your weekly schedule. Spend more time in bed, naked. Take the opportunity to talk more, watch TV more, read more, do "it" more. Whatever. Who cares. Just do more...naked!

Writing as a "naked" missionary,

- Jenn

"Things start to go well, and I'm nervous because I feel like I'm perched on the edge a fence, just waiting for a sharp wind to blow me off of it!"

2011-01-19T14:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

I feel a bit like I'm in the "calm before the storm." You know, where everything just seems too good to be true? If my life were to be portrayed in a watercolour landscape right now, you would see a beguiling and exquisite potpourri of blues, golds, purples and yellows (no pink...it just doesn't work with my skintone). But then, if you looked way up in either of the top corners of the painting, perhaps as far as even under the edge of the frame, you would see a toxic sludge of black and grey seeping in. You see, nothing is going badly, in fact, things are going pretty darn well. However, if there is one thing I have learned about myself as of late, it is that things never seem to stay on that path for too long. If they did, I would never have the scads of stuff to write about that have filled your computer screens with entertaining prattle and formed the very foundation of this blog. That's a little sad isn't it? Things start to go well, and I'm nervous because I feel like I'm perched on the edge a fence, just waiting for a sharp wind to blow me off of it! Perhaps the realist in me has developed a bit too much of a mind of it's own?

I've never been the hopeless romantic, or the "glass is half-full" kind of gal. That being said, I'm not a "glass is half-empty" kind of gal either. I take things in stride and try to see them for what they are. If something is going to take work, it's going to take work. If something is going to be difficult to achieve, it's going to be difficult to achieve. And, if something goes wrong, there is no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't reverse what has happened, so I might as well wipe up the mess the best I can and try not to stress over what was wasted. That is not always an easy approach to take, but I'm afraid that if I didn't look at things that way I'd end up with stomach ulcers because of how much I would agonize over details. I'd let things get to me, so I try really hard to move on.

But honestly, at the same time, this approach (good, or bad) is what puts me in the "calm before the storm" mindframe. That absolute assurance that something is bound to happen.

Stay tuned folks, a storm is a brewin' and it's coming your way.

Basking in the sun (for now),

- Jenn

"C'mon. get your shit together. It's not that hard to decide on a bloody due date."

2011-01-17T18:43:00.001-04:00

Ok, so...

I've come to notice something about myself recently that I don't really like. I fixate on things. And I mean, really fixate. I don't like not being "in the know." Once I know where something is going, it is easy for me to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, but until that point...I drive myself crazy trying to figure things out. I will come up with every single reason I can think of for why someone has or hasn't done anything to help ease my own sanity. A simple answer to a question that really had no intended depth to it at all when it was spoken (or texted? I feel that is a legitimate form to mention these days), has tons when it is said to me. I always manage to contrive some whole underlying "real" meaning when there truly was nothing there at all - I really need a good smack in the side of the head sometimes!!!

The last little spiel there was clearly related to relationships (when is something I write about not?), but this whole not being "in the know" thing has come into my life academically as well. For example, my professor for the class I had earlier this afternoon (our very first session none the less) is a very fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of gal. Not very organized, with a course outline that gives the bare minimum of information about expectations and assignments, even going as far as to exclude due dates for the most part. I find that annoying. In fact, I find that extremely annoying. I don't like when things aren't laid out. How the hell can you be expected to be successful when you can't organize yourself for the term because your courses aren't organized to reflect that? Seems a little counter-intuitive if you ask me? And that only becomes more complicated when it is layered in with courses that have very high expectations and a lot of requirements for you to meet. It's like the bitch-lazy courses are just asking to be forgotten underneath the slew of work you have for the perfect, chronologically stated, mammoth-sized courses that are competing with them. C'mon. get your shit together. It's not that hard to decide on a bloody due date. Sheesh.

Because maybe you want something other than relationship dribble,

- Jenn

"There is nothing harder than trying to forget someone and move past them when they are constantly a presence in your life."

2011-01-12T17:33:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

The effort involved in getting over someone is catastrophic. When you have serious feelings for another person, and they suddenly decide that they no longer return them...wait, that isn't really something you decide is it? Perhaps it would be more correct to say "when they have come to the point" where they no longer return them, it is painful and emotionally draining to go through all the steps that bring you to a point where you can finally push that person out of your mind, and inevitably, out of your heart. Fortunately for me, this is NOT something I am currently dealing with, but that doesn't mean it is something I don't know anything about - I had a nightmarish struggle with it at the end of a past relationship, and I am inspired to write about it because there are currently a few people in my life at various stages of the fight through this tedious, and really, quite arduous process.

Something I have come to realize through my own experiences, and those of my friends as well, is that there is really something to the idea of "out of sight, out of mind." There is nothing harder than trying to forget someone and move past them when they are constantly a presence in your life. Yet, masochistically enough,if that person will let us, we surround ourselves with them incessantly, convinced that we are alright with being "just friends" - that this is enough to fill the void that has been left behind by their choice to end the relationship. Now, if there is one thing that I can tell you, very clearly, without an inkling of doubt in my mind, it is that this never, ever works. Ever. I've watched myself suffer through trying to be friends with an ex. I've watched my friends suffer through trying to being friends with an ex, and I can tell you that nothing good has ever come of it. At first, while you are still wishing that he or she would take you back, any little thing they do to be nice, to help you out (because yes...they do still care about your feelings and happiness) gets interpreted as something else entirely. A glimmer of hope that they are having regrets. The idea that underneath it all, they still love you. Unfortunately, their kind gestures never mean anything like that, no matter how hard you convince yourself. These naive elucidations just cause more pain, and prolong recovery.

Even worse, however, is the notion of "ex sex." Oh yes, the mythological idea that you can sleep with someone you used to date without anyone getting hurt. Wrong. Incorrect. Erroneous. Inaccurate. Faulty. And all the other words in the English language that mean NO. It never, ever, ever, works. Heck, you or I would be hard pressed to even find an example of successful *&^% buddies, let alone an example of ex's that do it, no strings attached. I promise you, if you think *&^% buddies is hard to pull off, successful "ex sex" is even harder. The ending result for the dumped usually results in an image close to something like this - a regression back into the sniveling, demoralizing, cringeworthy state they were in post break-up. Consider this #8 on my list of salient pieces of advice: "Out of sight, out of mind" is where it is at. Cozy friendships and "ex sex" will never make up for what you wish you still had, and will prolong you finding out what is still to be had with someone else. It pays to cut off all contact, even though that isn't always that easy to do. "Out of sight, out of mind" is a proven tactic in moving on.

Ugh, it's exhausting just thinking about a painful break-up. My thoughts are with those of you who are suffering through one currently.

Covered in snow,

- Jenn

"I really do believe long-distance can work when you are with the right person - essentially someone who requires the same amount of attention in a relationship as you do."

2011-01-07T01:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

I don't know if any of you, my lovely readers (who I completely appreciate, as the number grows everyday) have experienced this, but I think I'm experiencing it right now: The prospect plagued by challenges. New Year's Eve guy, from my last entry, is awesome. Perhaps even the most awesome guy I've gotten to know in awhile. He is funny, sweet, adorable, sexy...so far, the whole package. There is only one problem. We are going to be plagued by long-distance right from the get go. I spend most of my time away, and a little of it at home. He does the same. Home is close for both of us, away is not. There is going to be some travelling involved if we want to make "this" happen. We're talking about 2 hours. It could most definitely be worse. I'm counting my blessings that it isn't.

Now, I'm someone who has had quite a bit of experience with long-distance - obviously it has never really worked out or I wouldn't be single now. However, despite all that, I'm not jaded in the least. I really do believe long-distance can work when you are with the right person - essentially someone who requires the same amount of attention in a relationship as you do. If one person is clingy and the other is independent, it never works because the clinger will be smothering the free bird in an effort to spend as much time with them as possible, whenever it's possible. Conversely, some people are also far more willing to live with a situation as it is for the moment, resolving to just let nature take it's course. I like to think, that for the most part, I am one of those people. There are many who can't accept something for what it is, and therefore spend obscene amounts of time fixating on what will be the most challenging parts as opposed to what will be the most worthwhile parts of something. In my effort to be the "willing-to-live-in-the-situation-as-it-is-for-the-moment,-resolving-to-let-nature-take-it's-course" kind, I hope NYE guy is this type too.

Scratching the surface,

- Jenn

"Why does it look desperate if you talk to someone soon after meeting them? Doesn't that just show that you're interested, enjoyed their company, and would like to enjoy it again?"

2011-01-01T18:31:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

New Year's Eve was quite an enjoyable occasion this year. This is not to say that I haven't had any that weren't at least somewhat fun in the past, but (and a lot of people say this) it always seems like New Year's Eve gets blown up to be this huge deal, and then when it doesn't quite work out as planned, people are disappointed. Truthfully, I didn't know what to expect this year - I went to a party with a few friends where there would be a few people we did know, and a whole lot that we didn't. The person who was having the party (whom I completely love) was holding it at the rather impressive house that he and his boyfriend share. This place has it's own dance floor, DJ booth, and several pinball machines. The place is awesome! This party was a totally great concept, except for the fact (as you can imagine) that most of the guests were gay men. Now, I love me some gay men - they make the greatest kind of friends - but that doesn't do a lot for the single gal. Therefore, I had come to accept that it this would not be a night for meeting someone new...at least, that's what I thought.

Interestingly enough, in a situation where the pickings of straight men were indeed very slim, I actually did meet someone. A work friend of one of my very good friends. He's very sweet, and while he is also painfully shy, it sort of works in his favour - he's almost cuter because of it, ironically enough. I GAVE him MY number because I didn't think there was anyway he would get up the courage to ask, and I've waited since to see if I hear anything. My friend talked to him today and worked to set up some plans for tomorrow night and asked if he was going to text me, to which he replied "definitely." So, as I anxiously sit and wait to hear from him (and wonder if I will at all), I can't help but wonder...where did that rule that says you can't contact someone too soon because it looks desperate come from? Why does it look desperate if you talk to someone soon after meeting them? Doesn't that just show that you're interested, enjoyed their company, and would like to enjoy it again? I don't understand why people wait three days before they nonchalantly contact someone, all the while allowing the other person to wonder if you like them at all? It's agonizing! And honestly, if someone gives you their number, they must be interested! They are clearly hoping to hear from you! Otherwise, they wouldn't have given you an in? It would be so much easier if people were just willing to speak what was on their mind - "I like you" or "I don't like you" or whatever. Why do we all feel the need to play such meticulously thought out games while trying to get involved with someone new, when all we really want to say is I like you, and I hope you like me too?

Welcome to 2011,

- Jenn

"Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it?

2010-12-27T01:46:00.001-04:00

Ok, so...

You know something? Embarking on a new "relationship" is scary. I call it a "relationship" because no one ever really knows if that is what it is going to turn into. I don't even know if I think it is a good idea (it breaks several of my salient pieces of advice, but this is common for me - others learn from me, yet I never do). And you know, there are many people who say that the feeling of "butterflies in your stomach", or that anxiety you get right before you meet up with a new "prospect" is exciting and exhilirating - even I would probably say this at times - but all those people, including me, are completely insane. Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it? And conversely, when we are feeling it we'd rather be feeling anything else.

There are plenty of times where we begin seeing someone new and we think that this may be our next (or first?) serious relationship. Everything seems to be falling into place just so. You really like this person and think, oh yeah, this is totally not like all the irresponsilble flings I've had (or is that just me who does that?). There is something special, something different here. Yet so often, it doesn't turn out like that. Heck, this blog is a good example of how things regularly don't work out like that. In the almost three months that I've been writing here, (can you believe it's been three months? I can't. Time flies.) I've written about countless hilarious, painful, and embarrassing situations that I have been in, and ALL of them have not panned out. I've spent these last three months being quite single, and may perhaps spend the next three in that exact same position...or not? I guess only time will tell - something I'm amazingly fine with for one reason or another. Either way, I don't know who decided that starting a new "relationship" was exciting! They just deserve a good clock in the face because it's stressful and weighs on you as you try and decide what comes next, and essentially, whether or not what happens next should be anything at all.

From my bed at quarter to 2,

- Jenn

Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better?

2010-12-24T23:19:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

First of all, Merry Christmas! I hope you are all well!

Secondly. Karma is a bitch.

I have been learning this repeatedly over the last few days.

Example #1:

On Sunday night my church had it's annual carol service. This thing has been going on for about as long as I can remember. Seriously. And for the last couple years I have always sung at it. This year I didn't come home from school until the 19th, and this was the day of the service, so the organist (who works in the music department at Dalhousie University) brought in a tenor to sing one of the very common, but beautiful arias from Handel's Messiah. I read his name in the bulletin and thought to myself, "I dated a (person with that name) back in high school" and then I didn't think anything else of it. Turns out that I should have, because it was the same guy. Now, you have to understand, this guy was bizarre back in high school. I mean, mega bizarre. Long hair, leather jacket. Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better? Anyway, the point is that I never expected him to be so amazingly talented...and he really, really was. Karma is a bitch.

Example #2:

Remember Fred? The guy that I dated in high school and the reason that I turned down Bill (the guy I thought might be the one that got away)? Well, a few weeks ago when I was home visiting some friends, we went out to celebrate a birthday. We went to a bar - an entirely sketchy bar that I had never been to before - and of all the people that could have possibly ever been there, Fred was. It had been about 4 years since I'd seen him and he looked about the same. Older, and more mature maybe, but about the same...which was the ONLY thing that was the same. When we were younger, he had real issues with self esteem and he had no ambition. Now, he is in the navy, repairs ships, has a pretty serious girlfriend who is moving here for him, and owns a really lovely house - I went to see it a few days ago. I don't know if this whole thing occurred as way for him to prove that he made something of himself to me, or if it really did just occur by chance...but he looked great, and is doing really well. Karma is a bitch.

There are actually several other examples that I could give that have occurred over the last little while, but I think that these here are enough to prove my point. Sometimes, the shallow decisions you make come back to bite you in the ass, and they teach you a lesson big time. Ha.

Deckin' the halls,

- Jenn

"A person who is 'on the hook' will be overly infatuated with another person."

2010-12-19T00:31:00.007-04:00

Ok, so...

Have you ever heard of the idea of being "on the hook"?

According to urbandictionary.com:

A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.

Often times the person who is on the hook is a back-up.

Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.

Ted: "Lisa came over last night and I gave her a foot rub as we watched a move."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."

The previous exemplary conversation is a snippet from Season 5, Episode 17 of How I Met Your Mother entitled "Hooked" (if you have never seen this or ever even heard of this idea, I highly suggest checking this episode out - it explains everything very well).

A friend of mine has been "on the hook" for quite awhile now. He dated this girl, she broke up with him and thus far, he has failed to get over it. However, it isn't the fact that he is still hung up on her that really confuses me - that has happened to a lot of us, and it will continue to happen until the end of time. Instead, it's what she has continued to do since breaking up with him that really baffles me. She sends him flirty texts, comes over for very misleading visits, posts suggestive statements on likealittle.com (if you don't know what this is, check it out: www.likealittle.com - it's a time!). All of this points to one conclusion: she has him on her hook. I feel really terrible for him because his feelings are throughly involved and to a point where he has no idea how to get out of the situation. He'd rather be involved with her in the hook capacity than not at all. I can fully admit that I knowingly did that with the one that got away and it sucked. I feel for him. I really do.

At this point, I'm can safely say that I'm pretty sure I'm not on anyone's hook. However, for the amount of guys that I have been involved with that were in problem relationships, it is inevitable that I have unknowingly been on a few hooks. You know, where I was stupid enough to think that something good was going to come out of a situation where it never did, and never was going to in the first place.

To all of you out there who are on someone's hook, I feel for you. Maybe this entry will help you figure out that you are, and therefore help you get out.

Unhooked,

- Jenn

"Actions speak louder than words."

2010-12-12T15:14:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

You know this saying?

"Actions speak louder than words."

I have always been a huge advocate for this statement. You can lie through your teeth as much as you want, but the way you really feel becomes painfully clear through the way you act. Unless you have an incredible poker face, and so few of us do, it's out there for the world to see, whether we like it or not.

If someone likes you, you usually know because of the way they act around you - a hand-on-the-shoulder here, a gentle caress-of-the-small-of-the-back there. I playful laugh. I hug that lingers. Everything you do gives it away, and you can't help it. That desire to be near that person overwhelms all the other senses. It's impossible to do anything else than whatever that little thing you can do is to just be near them for a second. We all like to think that we are so in control of ourselves. In control of how we feel. In control of what we do. What we say. But actions speak louder than words, and they &%$! us in the ass every single time.

Obviously, this isn't only true with crushes, obsessions, or love - it's the same thing when someone is mad at you. A brooding stare. Crossed arms. You don't need to say anything at all, because your actions are speaking up for the words you aren't saying.

The reason I say this is to point out the fact that if you are feeling a certain way, you might as well just say it...people know anyway lol. My friend, "rough patch with girlfriend" guy? He knew. He was aware. However, this is why I also think it's mutual, even if he isn't in a position to act on it right now. He's cuddly and likes to have late night chats...or at least he did. I have a feeling he will make it into here again at some point.

So, you know something! It's the holidays! Tell someone how you feel! There is no greater time of the year for love (but not hate..the thing I said about being mad? Don't go there. Be nice!)

Deckin' the halls,

- Jenn

"Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)"

2010-12-10T20:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, so...

Think back to when you were in Grade 6, 7, or 8. Yes. I know. It was awhile ago (at least I hope it was, or you have found my blog by chance and are FAR to young to be reading the material I include in it). Anyway, as I find myself conducting my first practicum in a middle school where I work with kids in each of those years, I am astounded by the things kids do these days...and even more shocked by the things the Grade 6's do than anything else. For example:

Kid #1: Hey man! You're girlfriend is about to get up and play her composition. You better pay attention (He playfully ribs Kid #2).

Kid #2: I know man. She's so hot.

(Kid #1, Kid #2, and their two friends sit there nodding as they stare at her)

Kid #2: Hey! Stop staring at my women! She ain't never gonna go for you.

Kid #1: Please! I'm not after her - I get my pick. I'm all about keeping my bachelor status.

OR:

Kid: Hey Ms, how are you today?

Me: Oh Hi! I'm great how are you?

Kid: I'm good. I was just wondering, are you married?

Me: No. I'm not.

Kid: Do you want to be?

Me: Some day, not right now though.

Kid: Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)

These kids are 11...not possibly more than 12 at the most. Are they serious? That boy actually winked at me. When I was Grade 6 I definitely wasn't clever enough to do or say things like that! They spend half of their classes with me everyday whispering back and forth about who likes who and who's gonna kiss at lunch. In Grade 6, I was wearing Cookie Monster sweatshirts and matching 2-piece Adidas tracksuits with a ponytail frizzier than Mel B's fro during her Spice Girl days. These kids are wearing high-tops a la Justin Bieber and DC and Burton t-shirts. In fact, these kids are more stylish and put together than a lot of people my own age! They try harder and they aren't even teenagers yet! Most of them even have their hair coloured! Ridiculous.

There is no point to this entry - I just thought it was funny and mildly enjoyable.

Bringing a laugh,

- Jenn

"However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. 'Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious.' "

2010-12-08T17:52:00.002-04:00

Ok, so..

I have managed to go ahead and do something incredibly stupid...yet, again. Sometimes, people ask you a question and you just decide to tell the truth because, you know, it's now or never. I did this. I did this because he asked, and I didn't want to lie. I had been wondering whether or not I should say anything and I had been thinking about mentioning it, but he was going through a rough patch with a new girlfriend and now didn't seem like the time. However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. "Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious." At first, he seemed to take it perfectly well - the reaction was actually better than I expected, and maybe even a little on the good side...and I was happy about that. I wasn't asking for anything in return. I want him to be happy and for that to happen in whatever capacity it needs too.

However, as things often do, this exploded in my face. I regret having said anything because the after-effects aren't worth the honesty. He's become upset with me, or upset with what I said...or something. Whatever it is, I feel absolutely terrible about it. So bad, that I cried this morning...and I don't cry. I honestly, truly wish I would have never said anything rather than have had it put a riff the size of Asia in our friendship...and that is what I think has happened. You know how people always say that honesty is the best policy? Well, I'm having a really hard time believing that right now.

So, on the off chance that he may ever read this...I'm really sorry. I never meant to cause any harm. You're a wonderful guy and a great friend, and I hope we come out somewhat normal (and I say somewhat because neither of us are really normal in the first place) on the other side of this whole thing.

I am really, truly, sorry.

In my own forum,

- Jenn

"I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends."

2010-12-04T00:56:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

I know that my blog entries are essentially me, going to work bitching about whatever hilarious thing is going on in my life. Frequently, it's some situation involving the given gentleman of the moment and how he is royally pissing me off...Actually, it isn't ever really anything else is it? Sad eh? Well, I can happily say that I am switching gears because today is about something completely different! The GOOD, in the good, the bad, and the ugly that I claim to write about.

Last night, I went to an amazingly fun Christmas Party...a tradition that I sort of started last year (whoops), resulting in us looking forward to it for weeks before it occurred this year. Now, as wild as it was...and really, it was (take a look at the pictures, you'll see), it made me realize something. I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends. Believe me when I say that I am not someone who is immune to feeling lonely, and I often wish that I saw them more than I do, but when we get together...even if we've been apart for longer than we planned to be...we pick up right where we left off. It's like we were never apart at all. That is something you can't fake - that's real chemistry, and we have it.

I'm not sure that I thank my friends enough for being there for me when I really need them. I'm completely aware of the fact that I am not like the average girl - I've said this before - so I can't always be the easiest person to deal with - I really am so stupid sometimes (I mean really, just read what I've wrote about over the last little while. That's only 2 months worth. Eeps.) And while these friends may not all be there every single time, (I'm sure I'm not either) someone always is, and that is something that can only be repaid by doing the same. Paying it forward. Something I think I'm going to try and do that much more of from now on.

So, take a minute to thank your friends today for being just that - your friends. In my case, I think they deserve it because being my friend must make for some pretty tedious work sometimes;).

Spreading the love,

- Jenn

"That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much."

2010-11-28T16:17:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

You know that whole idea around the "one who got away?" That one guy or girl, where if things had played out differently, everything may have culminated together into the perfect love story? I can think of countless TV shows, movies, and even conversations with friends that have circulated around the topic of the one guy (or girl) that they completely missed out on. There are various takes on how this happens - maybe it was a good friend and you never got up the courage to try and take it to the next level, or maybe you made a stupid decision while in a relationship, the whole thing blew up your face, and then you wished you could take it back...but you couldn't. Obviously, there are multitudinous scenarios that I could suggest, because there is no mold for how this occurs. It just does. And once it does, there is no going back.

I used to think that this one friend of mine was the "one that got away." I had dated a friend of his - let's call him Fred - for a little while (actually through Fred was how we met) and I mentioned to this friend - let's call him Bill - that I thought everything with Fred had really come to a standstill and I was going to end it with him before it got messy. Well, in this moment Bill suggested that maybe he and I try things out once I had sorted everything out with Fred. I shut him down, even though I really did like him quite a bit, in order to protect both of our friendship with Fred. In the end that didn't even really pay off, and I always regretted not taking that chance with Bill. He moved away a little while later, and when he finally came back, he met a girl...they've been together quite a while now. They make a lovely couple. I always though to myself, what if...what if I had taken the chance on him? Was he my "one that got away?" I always thought so...but I was wrong.

Lately, for some reason or another, I've been thinking about a particular ex-boyfriend quite a lot. Anyone who knows me, even a little bit, would have come to know something about him. He was my first love - a very powerful, and intense experience for me resulting in a breakup where I was completely inconsolable. It's been almost 4 and a half years since we broke up, and maybe 2 or more since I've seen him, but somehow he's crept back up into my mind. That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much. I wasn't ready for it - I didn't know how to handle feelings like that, and I wasn't good with them...something that must have made me very difficult for him to deal with at points. Since then, I've changed dramatically...for the better I think...and while some would say that he was a big part of why I have and that's why it happened then, I'd disagree. I think that getting older, finding out more about myself, coming to terms with a lot of earlier events in my life, and having made some pretty hefty mistakes along the way have shaped me into who I am now...and that's a really different person. Therefore, I've come to wonder if things would have played out differently if I had met him now, instead of then. Ironically, I think he has become my "one that got away," though I never would have anticipated that being the case. I loved him very much, and I'm sure that if I'd met him now instead of then, the result would be the exact same. I would still have come to love him very much - just in a better, more constructive way.

From what I can tell, he is doing quite well (haha, rhyme much?). He's off doing things that I can only dream I may get to do some day, and I wish him very well...something I wasn't always able to do.

This entry is incredibly ironic for me, but at the same time, soothing. It's hard to believe, that after all this time, he may just be the "one that got away."

Calming the soul,

- Jenn

"But these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label."

2010-11-24T13:52:00.002-04:00

Ok, so...

I'm about to step out on what is pretty much (at least I think?) the next big chapter of my life. Practicum. Student teaching. Something that I hope is going to essentially tell me whether or not I'm going down the right path in life. Funny thing about this? I'm probably not. It's strange, but I think I thought I'd know more about what I wanted in life by the time I was 23 years old. When I was 19, (which feels like eons ago...especially when SOME people feel the need to draw attention to your age at every opportunity possible) I think I thought I'd know exactly what I wanted to do, and I think I also thought I would be wanting to get married by this age. I don't. At all. But my best friend from home does...and in a year she will be, because she just got engaged. I'm her Maid of Honour, and frankly the whole things freaks me out a bit. I tell myself that I have no desire to be married at this age, and I know it's true - I really don't. But the fact that she is getting married, while I'm not even in a relationship does reveal the VERY different paths we are on at this point in our lives. Am I supposed to be worried about the fact that I'm not in a relationship, or on the path to finding someone to spend the rest of my life with? I'm starting to wonder...?

Especially because I always seem to pick the worst candidates. Oh, and it's not like every time I get involved with a guy, I think he is going to be my "soulmate" by the way (and I say "soulmate" like that because I'm not sure if they exist). I don't. But I can sure as hell tell you that I frequently pick people who are so far away from ever being that person that it's hilarious. There is a whole lot of truth to that I attract "people in problem relationships" and "spontaneous men" thing - let me tell you - but these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label. And honestly? I think I'm better in a relationship...mostly because I just do stupid things when I'm not. And while we're at it, I rarely come out feeling better on the other end of these stupid things I do. They never amount to anything good for either party involved, and while I live with no regrets, I'm not sure that there was anything beneficial about any of these situations...especially the ones of late...occurring at all. So, here comes the next salient piece of advice...what is this? Number 7?

If something seems too complicated to have the ending result that you want it too, it probably is. Drop it. Now. It isn't going to mean good things for anyone involved. Especially the ones who don't yet know they're involved.

Hiding behind my writing,

- Jenn

"Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up."

2010-11-21T00:57:00.003-04:00

Ok, so...

You know what is amazing? When you figure out how much feelings you think have changed really haven't. Lately, I've been spending time around a few people that I haven't seen in awhile. Some are those that I just completely miss having in my life, and some (or one in particular) are the kind where the attraction that I thought had gone away really hasn't...at all. Those big blue eyes, and those smile lines that creep up around them? They literally make my heart skip a beat. If I wrote with people's names included, which I don't, and you could facebook him...I'm sure you would agree..at least the ladies would? But I digress, yet again. I get off topic easily. Point is, you don't forget them, and you don't forget what they did...or still do to you.

But that's the problem isn't it? Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up. Seriously. Like, I don't have time for this. No one does. I don't have time to want "blue eyes" (and p.s. - I feel the need to mention that "blue eyes" is also "bucket list," the one and the same...do not judge), but he did something to me from them moment I met him...and I can't change that. However, that also doesn't change the fact that it pisses me off that I should want someone so much that I can't have. Or maybe I could have him? Maybe I'm just so unwilling to really compete...and that is what it would take. Direct competition. Remember my entry about "bucket list"..? I was annoyed when wrote that, and frankly, the idea of it still really annoys me...but he's something different, and despite his absolute blunt stupidity in telling me about his desire to cheat...I can't ignore the pull I feel towards him.

Which really only leaves one question. What now? What next? Anyone out there have the answer?

I always have answers for everyone else. I think I'm known for that. But answers for me? Never.

Speaking from the heart,

- Jenn

"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"

2010-11-09T00:25:00.001-04:00

Ok, so...

My apologies for the time it has taken me to write this...however, I think that once you read this entry, you will all agree that the wait was more than worth it. This past weekend proved to be a challenge for me in more ways than one...the greatest of these? You are about to find out about. Seriously. You won't believe it.

Remember my salient pieces of advice? Those ones that I have been occasionally recording in the side bar? Well, let me tell you...you are about the get a few. Allow me introduce you to salient piece of advice #4. Stay the @#$% away from your co-workers. It never, EVER, pans out the way you hope that it will! And it usually ends even worse than the situations with the people you just randomly happen to meet...because wait! OH YEAH! YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM AGAIN! At work! In meetings! In training! Walking down the street...and oh yes, you have to say hi...because if you don't, someone else will ask you why you didn't.

Salient piece of advice #5? IF you decide to hook up with someone you work with (and what did I say folks? That's right. DON'T), don't tell ANYONE you work with! NO ONE! Because someone always has a big ass mouth! Why is it that people feel the need to dig in your business! And you know what my favourite part is? It's always someone who "knows" you....but they don't really know you? You know what I mean? So they ask someone who does really know you what's going on so they can get the dirt because they know they can't ask you. Excuse me? Wait a second...if you don't know me well enough to ask yourself, why the hell are you asking at all? It isn't your business! It doesn't affect you! Piss off! If I wanted you to know, I would tell you!

Oh, but wait...I saved the best for last...Men, I direct this one at you. And I do this because a male said this to me, and perhaps I have better faith in the female half of the species (and truly, maybe I shouldn't?) but I like to think we would never say this to someone:

"I really like you! You're so different then a lot of girl that I have met, and that makes me think that I could really end up liking you? You know? But I just don't want a relationship right now. I don't have time. And yeah, we could be #&*% buddies, and that would be fun...but where you live? It's just so far away....and when you can get it right down the hall...well..."

"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"

Yes, yes he did. He $%^*%$ someone else...and then waited 4 days to tell me. 4 DAYS. And yeah, guess what I was doing those whole 4 days? Oh. You guessed it. Trying, like an idiot, to be attentive and sweet and do things like girls who are interested in you do for the guys they like. So gentleman...and really? Ladies too. Salient piece of advice #6? If you %&$# someone else, have the decency to tell the person you were &^%$#$& so they can stop treating you well, and instead, treat you like the asswipe you are.

Am I jaded by this? Meh. This is not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and in reality? I'm expecting a lot of worse things to come my way...but this story? It really was too funny not to share. I take it with a grain of salt, and I think it was a learning experience - perhaps this is my way of saying that I hope some will cut me slack for being so candid about this. It's sort of healing...for me anyway. Ha.

My apologies for using caps,

- Jenn

"My money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted."

2010-11-03T08:17:00.000-03:00

Ok, so...

I'm very happy to say that after a few days of feeling like I had nothing to write about...actually, let me rephrase that...nothing I COULD write about (because everything seemed to give away too much of someone's personal life), a friend said something to me today that immediately screamed blog entry. She said "what is up with boys wanting to be single these days?" And seriously? What the $&#% is up with that? I have numerous friends going through similar situations...well, not similar...but the type of thing where it all boils down to someone wanting to keep their options opened? I even feel like I'm going through that in my own life as I blithely try to maneuver my way through someone else's obstacle course - this person is trying to give me a run for my money, and he is succeeding...but anyway, I digress. That isn't the point I'm really trying to get at.

It seems like every guy out there right now thinks that there is something better then what is standing right in front of him. You know, that whole "there's lots of fish in the sea" thing? And gentleman, if you can truly, honestly tell me that this all comes down to something else entirely, I'll be the first one waiting to hear your explanation...but my money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted. A friend of mine once had that happen to her. She had been with her boyfriend since high school, and when they got to university he wanted to see what else was out there. Well, he did his thing...and you know what? There wasn't anything better. He begged for her back, and eventually (after she made him work...HARD) he got her. They are still together today.

Now, I'm definitely not saying that this is how things always work...and fellas? I don't blame you for wanting to be sure or not wanting to settle down just yet. I really don't. I just don't get why there is such a blooming trend this area all of a sudden. There are always going to be guys (and girls) going through this phase...but ALL of you? At the same time? It seems a little extreme doesn't it?

Maybe this is why I don't really believe that human beings are meant to be a monogamous race? And no. That is not me justifying cheating. I just think that is why it takes so much work for so many couples to stay married...but this in itself is whole other topic. I'll save that for another day!

Sharing the sugar,

- Jenn

"My apologies."

2010-11-02T00:22:00.000-03:00

My apologies for going so long without writing.
It's been a very busy, stressful week on many fronts.
I promise a legitimate update soon

- Jenn

"Hallowed be thy drink."

2010-10-27T21:00:00.000-03:00

Life is funny isn't it? It's amazing how some aspects of your being can be in total turmoil, while other parts seem to be finding their way to some sort of actual solitude. The answers always come from somewhere you aren't even looking and probably never would if the events prior to it hadn't culminated just so. Ironic.

Anyway, I found this in my facebook notes from quite awhile ago. It's good for a laugh:

Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as it is in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager

Barmen

My weekend. To a tee :P

- Jenn

"This is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs."

2010-10-25T17:22:00.006-03:00

Ok, so...

Pubcrawls and Jenn should not ever conspire to make an appearance together. I never manage to get through them without doing something stupid. However, as stupid as what I did this time was (and incidently, I did feel really bad about it), I've come to realize that I suddenly don't feel that bad at all. A very good friend of mine once said that I seem to attract men who are in relationships, and that maybe it was because I'm a bit of a "wild child" and look like I would be up for things that a lot of other girls wouldn't be. She said "are they going to pick the conservative prude? No. They are going to go for the crazy, outgoing girl that likes to have fun. That's exactly what stands out about you when you become the target." If I were to fess up and be honest, and I will be for the sake of this blog, then that is very true. I don't apologize for what happens in my life...it all equals lessons learned (salient lesson #3). So here is the lesson:

I attract guys who are in problem relationships. My ex was in one, "bucket list" is in one..and actually several others whom I've met and since left behind long before the creation of this blog were also in one. If we were really to break cheating down to a science (and this is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs), we would realize that those who cheat, male and female, usually (which is why I mentioned the pigs) do so because they are unhappy with what they have. To some degree, the relationship that they are a part of isn't offering them something they need. Either it's suffering from long-distance syndrome, bad sex (or lack there of), poor emotional support, someone's crippling shortfall of self confidence...and I could go on, but I think you get my point: The problems being had could be a combination including all, or none, of those things I just mentioned...but either way, something isn't happening for them leaving problems to exist and the yearning for some sort of an outlet.

As someone who has never cheated (out of luck, or morals...I'm not really sure?) I have only ever belonged to one half of the equation (the key 1+1=2 equation that divides the ownership of responsibility between the two parties involved), the half that becomes involved without technically doing something wrong. I say technically because that depends on how you see it. Some would say that if you aren't the one in the relationship, you owe nothing to anyone and shouldn't feel bad for your actions. Others would say that you are at fault because you allowed yourself to take part in something that would inevitably cause someone else pain (whether you know them or not). I will not express where my opinion lies on this, but simply leave it as something you can decide on for yourselves. There are valid arguments for both. The point is, these problem relationships exist, and I draw the attention of people who are in them.

I, in no way, am claiming that I think that I am the answer to all of these things either. I'm not saying that I find long-distance easy, am unbelievable in the sack, know how to support someone through every awful thing that could happen to them, or that I have unwavering conviction in myself everyday...but I do know what it feels like to be in a relationship that I wasn't sold on...and now, what it feels like to not be. I may be lonely sometimes, and even momentarily question the faith that I have in myself to have made the right decision...but at the end of the day, it was right for me.

I guess what I'm saying is, as someone who has been in a problem relationship, and as someone who seems to have known/does know quite a few people who are in one...are you in one? It's a really hard thing to delve into because it involves taking such an arduous, intricate look at yourself (something I've been focussing on a lot lately) and deciding on whether or not you are getting everything you need - a challenge even on the best of days.

Just food for thought,

- Jenn

"And then he winked at me. It was awkward."

2010-10-22T23:30:00.004-03:00

Ok,so...

Headed out to the Nova Scotia Music Educator's Conference today. It was actually a pretty good experience...even though I left about half way through to go look for halloween costumes (good little teacher I is). I also ran into one of my ex-vocal coaches today. Back in my first year of my undergrad, he started in the Education program at the same time. We ran in to each other in meal hall one day and he sat and talked to me for awhile. Before he left he offered to "help" me out with anything if I needed it through out the year. Anything at all. And then he winked at me. It was awkward. I hadn't seen him since then until today. He is married and has a kid with another on the way. Awesome.

Anyway, here are a few interesting facts that I learned today:

"Music majors are the most likely group of college grads to be admitted to medical school."
   - Lewis Thomas, Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994

"Students who participate in school band or orchestra have the lowest levels of current and lifelong use of alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs among any groups in our society."
   - House of Congress, Res. 226, United States Senate, June 13, 2000

"A study of 7,500 university students revealed that music majors scored the highest reading scores among all majors including English, Biology, Chemistry, and Math."
   - The Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994

"The foremost technical designers and engineers in Silicon Valley (companies like Apple) are almost all practicing musicians."
   - Dee Dickinson, Music and the Mind, 1993

Things worth remembering the next time that someone says music has no place in our schools.

If music be the food of love, play on,

- Jenn

"Smacked in the face by that wafting funk."

2010-10-21T14:54:00.004-03:00

Ok, so...

The apartment search in Wolfville is really something to behold. The process of going to building, after basement, after (in some cases) rathole is both nauseating and exhausting at points - a circumstance that is definitely not made any better by the state that some of these places are kept in by their tenants. Now, I will not even begin to argue that fact that I am an incredibly "tidy" person. Most people who know me can likely recall of at least one occasion where I had come to refer to my room as The Pit, but really, it isn't like their landlords don't at least notify them of when they are bringing prospective renters by? Personally, if I knew that people I didn't (or perhaps did?) know were coming by to check out my place, I'd clean it up! I would at least push everything into a closet or something and pray that those people wouldn't end up looking in there? If I lived in a sty, I would be mortified to know that my first experience meeting someone involved them coming into my foul, cruddy, dank abode. Would they remember that about you if they ever saw you again? Hells yes! I know I will.

Most shocking though, was not the randomly scattered dirty laundry, food-crusted dishes, or even the soap-scum caked showers or repugnantly stained toilets. It was the smell. Yes, the smell! And not just any smell. A smell that is representative of itself and unmistakable in aroma. Body Odor. An overpowering stench that will send even the most desperate foragers fleeing in the opposite direction. It is a wonder to me that people can hunker down in their homes like that? I mean, I suppose if you were trapped in there for a while, you would become somewhat immune to the stank...but what about when you leave? There is no way that you could return to that from a day out in crisp, refreshing, unadulterated air and not be smacked in the face by that wafting funk.

I'm pretty sure that the whole experience has scarred me for life, but on a positive note...from now on, my place will always be clean!

Stay swicked,

- Jenn

"God of War?..Meet God of Mullets!"

2010-10-20T17:17:00.004-03:00

Ok so...

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but does it seem like the mullet is making a comeback? Maybe it's that it never really left for some people, or maybe it's that I live in an area overrun with folkies from all walks of butt-%^&*-nowhere, but I swear I'm seeing more and more business in the front, party in the back coifs then ever before. I feel like I'm living in www.peopleofwalmart.com. And actually, come to think of it, when I was home over Thanksgiving my parents and I went out for dinner to celebrate their anniversary and our waiter had a mullet! He was really young too - like could not have possibly been older than 25! I like to think that he lost a bet because there was tracks shaved in his sideburns as well, but still. There it was. Another mullet.

Is anyone else aware of this trend, or is it just me?

- Jenn

"I've always wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list."

2010-10-20T14:20:00.004-03:00

Ok, so...

This blog, an effort that has been encouraged by many because I apparently tend to say clever things once in awhile, has been a thorn in my side because I didn't know where start. I've been trying to come up with something riveting to write about...pretty much to no avail, when I suddenly had an epiphany. I realized that the shit that has happened in my personal life as of late is about as funny as it gets. So, allow me to indulge you in what occurred about two weeks ago.

I'd been talking to a co-worker from the summer for just a few days - he will remain nameless, for his safety, and frankly...for my own as well. When/if he sees this, I am dead...so know that I am fully going down in flames for all of you! Anyway, when I left my job at the end of August to return to school, I opened my mouth and said something I probably shouldn't have. I told him that "if things didn't work out with his girlfriend, he should look me up." No harm, no foul right? WRONG!!! A word to the wise folks...if you question, even for a moment, whether or not something is right to say? Stop! Stop right then and shut your damn mouth, cause it isn't. Seriously. Count that as my first salient piece of advice to be featured in this blog because I have made that mistake more times then I will ever be able to recall and the mess has never, ever been easy to clean up. But I digress...the point of this story is not to relay my stupidity (there will be plenty of opportunities for that...believe me), it is to relay his.

Anyway, the conversations we engaged in took a little less than a kosher turn - I can admit that I was fully enamored by the attention. Stop rolling you eyes - don't even think for a second that you wouldn't be either. Guy or girl, attention from an attractive member of the opposite sex (or the same - no judgement here) is always enjoyed, even if not entirely wanted or warranted. That is salient piece of advice #2 by the way...we're all animals at heart. Anyway, eventually our heated exchanges resulted in this: "I've always kind of wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list." Erm, I'm sorry. What was that? What did you just say there? Did you say it was on your BUCKET LIST?? Your BUCKET LIST! I'm sorry, but I don't think that was what Academy Award winners Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson had in mind when they created their wish list of things to do "before they kicked the bucket" in the dramedy of the same name.

Now, I consider myself a realist and a fairly liberal person at heart. However, I also think that this rather relaxed approach to life and my choice to deal with things this way puts me in the minority. This part of my personality is something that he was very aware of, and was even once stated as one of the things he liked best about me...but c'mon. C'mon. Really? That is what you say to a woman you are trying to bag? I'm pretty sure that would have made most women turn their noses up in disgust and peace out...you know, a-town-down and all that. For me, it didn't. But I was surprised - I can admit that. Gentleman (and I hope to have a few of you following me at some point), if you want to cheat on your current woman with the fox you met at the bar last night, or last week, last month...whatever...do NOT voice it as being part of your $&#%ing Bucket List. Or forever consider that a chastity belt has been locked over your genitals, because shawty ain't never gonna touch your junk with a ten-foot poll.

So, that's it. Of course, the story goes on but not in a way that is either eventful or interesting enough to write about any further. Just remember, when you want to do something that would be considered as less than "amenable" with/to someone else, don't announce it as part of your freakin' Bucket List.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,

- Jenn

*Ok, so...

"This was a lovely event, but the loveliness isn't actually my focus here! Complete and totally blunt assholery is."

"Our grandfather was an incredibly strong father figure, one that we so badly needed, and now our step-dad is too."

"It's not like he was a pig and CHOSE to be an asshat? There were just times that it occurred, and I began to wonder if the investment was worth it."

"But other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away..."

It's much easier to be strong when it's someone else's feelings...but when it's your own? Not so much."

"Great compatibility makes a relationship worth all of the work that is required to keep it going, so it's importance to know if that's what you have and if it's really worth all that work."

"If you've been together for 1 1/2 years, then they have probably been thinking about breaking up with you for about 6 months or so before that."

"When a relationship is going well, and I feel connected to someone, I'm most definitely a person who shows my comfort and admiration for my significant other through physical actions"

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

"It's like, 'hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again."

"I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? "

"The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter 'Relationship Poison.' "

" It's all about finding that proportionate balance where both parties are comfortable in the arrangement and are getting something that suffices both of their needs without being too much, or not enough. "

"People are too quick to jump back into their skivvies after a role in the hay."

"Things start to go well, and I'm nervous because I feel like I'm perched on the edge a fence, just waiting for a sharp wind to blow me off of it!"

"C'mon. get your shit together. It's not that hard to decide on a bloody due date."

"There is nothing harder than trying to forget someone and move past them when they are constantly a presence in your life."

"I really do believe long-distance can work when you are with the right person - essentially someone who requires the same amount of attention in a relationship as you do."

"Why does it look desperate if you talk to someone soon after meeting them? Doesn't that just show that you're interested, enjoyed their company, and would like to enjoy it again?"

"Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it?

Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better?

"A person who is 'on the hook' will be overly infatuated with another person."

"Actions speak louder than words."

"Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)"

"However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. 'Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious.' "

"I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends."

"That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much."

"But these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label."

"Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up."

"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"

"My money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted."

"My apologies."

"Hallowed be thy drink."

"This is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs."

"And then he winked at me. It was awkward."

"Smacked in the face by that wafting funk."

"God of War?..Meet God of Mullets!"

"I've always wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list."